I’m not in labor. I’m just 39 weeks pregnant today but I’ve felt different over the past few days. And I wonder what it’s going to be like when it starts. I went past 41 weeks with Hugo and ended up being induced. My past experience with drugs and the hospital has influenced my current decision to have this baby at home.
I also haven’t really felt like writing since I was criticized by my first random internet stranger when a friend shared my last post about Hugo’s attachment to his Cars shirts on Facebook. I know I have a pretty sympathetic audience usually, people who know me already in some capacity at least. And I tag my posts with Attachment Parenting and other crunchy-sounding terms that aren’t likely to attract readers who have opinions opposed to mine.
This should probably be two separate posts but forgive an at-term pregnant woman for rambling uncharacteristically. I never write about the theory behind peaceful parenting or gentle guidance and attachment parenting versus some other practices based on yelling, fear, isolation, spanking, etc. I’ve done my share of reading and have my own childhood experience to draw on, and beyond that I just have learned to trust my instincts as a mom. I don’t really care who agrees with me, but I started this blog looking to connect with like-minded parents. And I don’t believe in criticizing the loving choices that parents make when deciding how to raise their children, whether they coincide with mine or not.
Anyway, someone said I am a bullshit parent because I’m not interested in breaking my son’s spirit by forcing him to wear a shirt he doesn’t want to wear. She said that people like me are the reason why there are helpless men who can’t do anything for themselves and no woman will want him. Well, sympathetic audience, do you believe that life doesn’t offer thousands of examples of how you can’t always get what you want, and the universe seems to conspire to give you quite the opposite, before reaching adulthood? Maybe it’s just me. The world of a three-year-old seems so impossibly large and out of control that he may try to exercise his will in some small way by insisting on wearing a favorite item of clothing. Especially when he is about to become a big brother and everyone keeps telling him that life is going to change, big time. I sympathize with Hugo even though he is a pain in the ass. He’s three. I don’t want to teach him that his opinions don’t matter to the people most important to him in the world.
So anyway, I’m wondering just when the new baby is coming and finally feeling ready for him. My midwife came to the house yesterday for an exam and my belly (fundus) measured 1.5 cm less than last week. This means that baby has descended farther into my pelvis. I lost a couple of pounds, too and felt queasy late in the day yesterday. I also seem to be out of nesting energy and taking lots of naps, getting very little done.
Then last night, I got up to go to the bathroom around 1:30 and got hit with an extremely painful contraction. There was no build up, just a wallop. I was very surprised and confess I don’t remember it hurting that much last time. I know I handled the pain with little problem while in labor with Hugo until the pitocin was dialed up so high that there was no space between my contractions. Then I foamed at the mouth, threw up and begged for an epidural. I understand that natural contractions aren’t as intense but maybe I’ve underestimated them… anyway, there was only the one contraction with no follow up today. More Braxton-Hicks than before but no pain to speak of.
I assume I won’t be blogging again before the baby comes. I do expect to tweet about giving birth if you want to follow along. Thanks to everyone who’s been supportive and/or interested in what I write.